No sooner does the Noah movie hit the screen do we have a big number of negative reviews by Christian viewers.  Some complaints are probably very legitimate. Some probably are a part of this cycle since the making of “The Last Temptation of Christ.”  In order to avoid going into biblical studies mode, I purposefully blog about the movie without having watch the movie.  Here’re my suggestions for Hollywood when you decide to make a biblical movie that will please your Christian constituents.  With Christianity being the large global religion that it is, you’ll make a huge profit.

1) Throw the word “evangelism” in there where people getting “saved” is the ending. Similarly, the word “gospel” is a must.

2) Downplay the character flaws of biblical patriarchs like Noah. Make them saints.  We need the simple gospel, not some complicated religious mess.  Let’s face it. The Bible is a messy book.  Many of the characters have blatant flaws.  No one needs to know that, especially little kids.

3) Downplay any ethical concerns that do not please evangelicals.  Look, talking about eco-theology in this movie is just not going to make anyone happy.  As you already know, most evangelicals (especially the mostly right-wing kind) are very proud of their doctrine of salvation.  Why deviate from it?  Go along the plot of being saved. Don’t mess with green issues (never mind that the biblical Noah story is a reversed creation story that has a renewed creation ending).

In other words, don’t worry about any part of the REAL biblical story that does not fit the evangelical plot line.  Certainly, don’t fill in the blank of ambiguity.  You will succeed.